It Is As It Does
by alikat522
Summary: Arthur and Herc have a man-to-man discussion.


"Hey Herc, while Mum's up in the flight deck, can I ask you a question?"

"I had figured you would want a word with me at some point. Ask away, Arthur."

"Alright, then. Herc…do you think I'm stupid?"

"Arthur, if this is about the incident the other week, then I think you just need to give your mother some time. She's not ready to be open about us being together yet, so she tries to throw together cover stories at the last minute. Although I can see how you would take it as an insult that she thought you would believe the story about the early morning zoo trip."

"Wait, you guys didn't go to the zoo? But Mum told me all about the giraffes!"

"…Yes, but anyways, no, I do not think you are stupid."

"Really? Because a lot of people do."

"Do they, now?"

"Well, yeah. Skip, and Douglas, and Mr. Birling, and that lady who kept saying 'professional' all the time, and my teachers in school, and my friends in school, and the people at Ipswich, and all my girlfriends, and Mum."

"Your mother does not think you are stupid, Arthur."

"Yes she does. And she's right. I'm not saying all those people are wrong, because they're brilliant, aren't they. And I know I do stupid stuff a lot of the time, and don't think that fast, and even when I do think fast, the thoughts just come out all wrong anyways, so I have to go back and think it again, which just makes it even slower. I know I'm stupid. I was just wondering if you knew it too."

"I think you are a very sensitive and intuitive young man."

"Yeah, but you know that I'm stupid, right? Could you just tell me that you know? Please?"

"Why do you want me to call you stupid? What could possibly be gained from that?"

"I'm not asking you to call me stupid; I just want to make sure you know. So that it's not a surprise later."

"Later?"

"You know, when you and Mum are getting really close and thinking about being together forever. Some people think that they understand, but then they're surprised later when they find out just how stupid I am, and then they leave her."

"Why would they do that?"

"Because they can't put up with me. She always says that it's no big deal, that she wouldn't want someone who could get chased away by me, but it makes her sad. So I just want to make sure that you know now. So just go on and say I'm stupid, alright?"

"Arthur. I care about your mother very deeply. I would not do anything to hurt her."

"Right! So just call me stupid!"

"I do not want to hurt you either."

"Oh, I don't mind, really! It's easy, plenty of people do it. Oh, or you could call me idiot! How about moron! Or you could call me a clot, but I don't really like that one. And I'm not really fond of retard, but Da- a lot of people seemed to think that one fit really well. So it's up to you!"

"…In many ways, you are not very intelligent."

"Oh, come on now, Herc! There are loads of better ones than that!"

"And I do not plan on using them. Do you remember the first day I met you?"

"The time we got to play Monopoly?"

"Yes. And do you recall that I offered you a job then?"

"Yeah, that was brilliant!"

"When I made that offer, I did not do so because I thought you were a genius. I had watched you play Monopoly. I offered you a job because I honestly believe that you bring a great deal to the table that few others do. You are unendingly kind, optimistic, high-spirited, and generous. And when it comes to a flight-attendant, I believe those virtues are far more valuable than the ability to think fast. You make people feel at home aboard GERTI."

"Wow. Thanks, Herc, that's really nice! Not that I was expecting anything different, of course. You're brilliant!"

"Thank you, Arthur. You are as well."

"So just to be clear, you know I'm stupid?"

"Yes."

"And that's not going to surprise you later?"

"No."

"And you're not going to leave Mum because of me?"

"Certainly not."

"That really is brilliant, Herc! That means a lot!"

"Glad I could put your mind at ease."

[Door opens.]

"Arthur, what are you doing back here? You were supposed to be making coffee for the lazy leeches we call pilots."

"Sorry, Mum! I'll go do that now!"

[Door closes.]

"So what were you two getting so chatty about? Having a little man-to-man?"

"In fact, we were."

"Not a great mental strain on the visiting sky god, I imagine."

"No, Arthur did pose some interesting questions. You have a very keen son."

"I assure you, I just have the one."

"And he really is brilliant."

"I…thank you, Herc."

"My pleasure, Carolyn."


End file.
